Ace of Bi's

Tumblr can be a great place (it can also be an awful place but I tend to stay away from the negative side of it as much as I can). It’s where I’ve learned to not be so judgmental. In fact, I’ve learned more about not judging people from Tumblr than I ever did the whole time I was regularly attending a Christian church. It’s where I’ve made some lovely friends, and “met” people from all over the world where I’ve learned about their cultures. It’s also where I discovered that not only am I not the only asexual person out there, but I’m also not the only asexual/bisexual person out there.

Being bisexual does not mean I want to sleep with everyone I see, male or female. It means I am attracted to one’s soul no matter what their gender is. 

(I cannot BELIEVE I am using an N'Sync gif but it was just too good to pass up. BSB For Life!)

If I wasn’t ace, then, yes, I probably would sleep with my partner, whether they were male or female. But I am ace, and therefore would need a relationship where sex isn’t a thing. Do you know how hard that is to find?! I’ve accepted that I will be alone forever because of it, but I do know of people on Tumblr who are asexual and in relationships, even married. Some of their partners are also ace, some aren’t, but because they love each other, they make it work. Gasp! You can love someone without sex being involved? Who knew.

Let me give you some background on asexuality, just to put it in context. There’s a spectrum of how it looks which is different depending on each individual, and I don’t want to speak for them so I will tell you how it looks for me. It means I am not interested in sex, or any sort of sexual intercourse, with anyone, at all, ever. I do not want to have it, I do not find it desirable. 

It has nothing to do with whether or not I’ve had bad sexual experiences (I really haven’t). The same way that, if you’re straight, it’s not because you had a bad homosexual experience, you know what I mean? It’s not a choice. If it was, I would obviously choose to fit in with everyone else and understand what all the hype around sex is all about. But it’s not a choice, and I don’t understand sex the same way people with a sex drive don’t understand people that are ace. If it helps, look at asexual as another sexuality, just like straight or gay or bi.

I do not mind answering questions about asexuality. I know it’s rare and hard to understand and I am totally willing to raise “awareness” (for lack of a better term), as long as the person asking the questions is respectful. It is not something that can be changed, or turned around. It is not to be looked at as a “challenge” or because I haven’t yet met someone who “knows what they’re doing”. For some people who consider themselves ace, they still have a bit of a sex drive, or a sex drive when it comes to their partner, etc. I am not one of those people, so I can’t really answer questions about that because I might not know how it works for them. But anything else, I don’t mind talking about and trying my best to explain it to you, so feel free to message me if you can be respectful about it and not offensive and I’ll be the same in return.

I often get asked “how can you be asexual and bisexual?” Let me tell you: the same way you’re not. It’s no different than people who are straight and have a sex drive - it’s just how they are, and, once again, none of it is a choice. Some people might not discover it until later in life (I was almost 25 before I realized I liked girls as well and then so much of my past made so much more sense, it was honestly a relief that I wasn’t stuck only having to date men), but that doesn’t mean they suddenly “chose” it. I had a (Christian) friend ask me about a year ago when did I “choose” to become bisexual. I didn’t. I just didn’t realize it before. Hindsight’s 20/20. It was also a bit of a relief when I realized there was actually a legitimate term for my lack of a sex drive - it wasn’t just me, there wasn’t something wrong with me, and it was in fact enough of a thing to have a name. It still sucks being asexual and I feel like I don’t fit in, at all, ever, with anyone, because I can’t relate to any sex related talk, but at least I know I’m not alone.

I guess the plus side is I don't ever have to buy expensive lingerie because no one else will ever see it!

(No gifs/pictures are mine, all credit goes to their owners)

(Quick Author's Note - I will be moving my blog over to Word Press - ciaracakes, as the formatting over there is a lot easier. But I wanted to do one last one on here before I do the complete move. Thanks for reading!