Ace of Bi's

Tumblr can be a great place (it can also be an awful place but I tend to stay away from the negative side of it as much as I can). It’s where I’ve learned to not be so judgmental. In fact, I’ve learned more about not judging people from Tumblr than I ever did the whole time I was regularly attending a Christian church. It’s where I’ve made some lovely friends, and “met” people from all over the world where I’ve learned about their cultures. It’s also where I discovered that not only am I not the only asexual person out there, but I’m also not the only asexual/bisexual person out there.

Being bisexual does not mean I want to sleep with everyone I see, male or female. It means I am attracted to one’s soul no matter what their gender is. 

(I cannot BELIEVE I am using an N'Sync gif but it was just too good to pass up. BSB For Life!)

If I wasn’t ace, then, yes, I probably would sleep with my partner, whether they were male or female. But I am ace, and therefore would need a relationship where sex isn’t a thing. Do you know how hard that is to find?! I’ve accepted that I will be alone forever because of it, but I do know of people on Tumblr who are asexual and in relationships, even married. Some of their partners are also ace, some aren’t, but because they love each other, they make it work. Gasp! You can love someone without sex being involved? Who knew.

Let me give you some background on asexuality, just to put it in context. There’s a spectrum of how it looks which is different depending on each individual, and I don’t want to speak for them so I will tell you how it looks for me. It means I am not interested in sex, or any sort of sexual intercourse, with anyone, at all, ever. I do not want to have it, I do not find it desirable. 

It has nothing to do with whether or not I’ve had bad sexual experiences (I really haven’t). The same way that, if you’re straight, it’s not because you had a bad homosexual experience, you know what I mean? It’s not a choice. If it was, I would obviously choose to fit in with everyone else and understand what all the hype around sex is all about. But it’s not a choice, and I don’t understand sex the same way people with a sex drive don’t understand people that are ace. If it helps, look at asexual as another sexuality, just like straight or gay or bi.

I do not mind answering questions about asexuality. I know it’s rare and hard to understand and I am totally willing to raise “awareness” (for lack of a better term), as long as the person asking the questions is respectful. It is not something that can be changed, or turned around. It is not to be looked at as a “challenge” or because I haven’t yet met someone who “knows what they’re doing”. For some people who consider themselves ace, they still have a bit of a sex drive, or a sex drive when it comes to their partner, etc. I am not one of those people, so I can’t really answer questions about that because I might not know how it works for them. But anything else, I don’t mind talking about and trying my best to explain it to you, so feel free to message me if you can be respectful about it and not offensive and I’ll be the same in return.

I often get asked “how can you be asexual and bisexual?” Let me tell you: the same way you’re not. It’s no different than people who are straight and have a sex drive - it’s just how they are, and, once again, none of it is a choice. Some people might not discover it until later in life (I was almost 25 before I realized I liked girls as well and then so much of my past made so much more sense, it was honestly a relief that I wasn’t stuck only having to date men), but that doesn’t mean they suddenly “chose” it. I had a (Christian) friend ask me about a year ago when did I “choose” to become bisexual. I didn’t. I just didn’t realize it before. Hindsight’s 20/20. It was also a bit of a relief when I realized there was actually a legitimate term for my lack of a sex drive - it wasn’t just me, there wasn’t something wrong with me, and it was in fact enough of a thing to have a name. It still sucks being asexual and I feel like I don’t fit in, at all, ever, with anyone, because I can’t relate to any sex related talk, but at least I know I’m not alone.

I guess the plus side is I don't ever have to buy expensive lingerie because no one else will ever see it!

(No gifs/pictures are mine, all credit goes to their owners)

(Quick Author's Note - I will be moving my blog over to Word Press - ciaracakes, as the formatting over there is a lot easier. But I wanted to do one last one on here before I do the complete move. Thanks for reading!

God Vs. The Gays

DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to disprove or discredit what the Bible says. It is simply trying to explain the evolvement of the human race since Biblical times.

(None of the gifs or pictures are mine, credit goes to all owners.)

I started attending a fairly “liberal”, nondenominational Christian church about eight years ago. This church has a support group for women who have had abortions, has female pastors, and I’ve met some of my gay friends through this church. I loved how nurturing it was, how it - for the most part - preached acceptance, just like Jesus did.

I grew up atheist and found God on my own after graduating high school, in no small part due to this very church. It was a good place, a safe place, and for that I will always be grateful to it. However, many of the people who attended this church were not as accepting as the church tried to exemplify, and therefore I gradually began detaching myself from associating with the word “Christian”. While I may agree with their beliefs, I don’t like to call myself a Christian - I don’t even like to say I’m religious. ‘Spiritual’ is a better word, and, from what I was taught at this very church, my relationship with God is strictly between Him and myself.

Now, with recent Supreme Court events that have happened, I was curious to see what this church had to say about them. I hadn’t been attending services regularly (to be entirely honest, for the past few years I’d only gone on Christmas Eve), but that’s a whole different story. I was aware that this church live streams their sermons, and then saves them online so we can watch them at our convenience. When I went to their website to find out if the recordings had been posted yet, there was a link on the front page to “A Statement From Our Pastor”. This pastor is someone I highly respect, both as a man of God and as a human being. I wanted to see what the statement was, so I clicked on it, where I was met with these words (I will not be linking the page out of respect to the church and the pastor):

“On Friday the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. With all due respect to the court, it did not define marriage, and therefore is not entitled to redefine it.

God created man and woman and established marriage. His decisions are not subject to review or revision by any man-made court. God is clear about the definition of marriage in His word:

‘That is why a man leaves his father and mother, and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh’ Gen 2:24

Through thousands of years of cultural change, God is the same and changes not. In the multitude of nations that rise and fall, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever!”

I would like to start off by saying the pastor worded this very eloquently and respectfully, and I appreciate that there’s substance behind it and not just another “God hates fags” type of statement. That being said, let’s explore the context surrounding Genesis 2:24:

(NOTE: All of the Bible verses I cite will be coming from www.biblegateway.com, the NIV version, as I haven’t opened my own hard copy Bible in years and have absolutely no idea where it’s hiding...which might be a sin somewhere in the book of Leviticus, too. Oops.)

Genesis 2:21-25 - “But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.’ 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

So, one verse after the one referenced in the pastor’s statement, it clearly says neither Adam nor Eve felt shame for being naked. But don’t we all wear clothes now, for that exact purpose - to not feel shame? So if God doesn’t change, then wouldn’t we all still be walking around naked, sin or no sin? Wouldn’t we still be flooded or plagued or whatever else happened in the Bible? Shouldn’t God be the first one to evolve with the times, considering He knows about them beforehand? It doesn’t change who God is or the fact that God is unconditional love. It just means He’s watching us grow and learn to love each other. Shouldn’t that be the first thing religions support? Plus, what was the whole point of God sending His son to die on the cross for us in the first place if none of us ever sinned?

Now, I have read (some) parts of the Bible, and there are a lot of things we do besides being homosexual on a regular basis that the Bible says not to do. Also, something I was taught at this very church was that sin is sin is sin. Sexual sin is sexual sin - premarital sex (which happens just as often, if not more so, as homosexuality does) is just as much sinning in God’s eyes as homosexuality allegedly is. I’d also like to know God’s opinion on those of us gay asexuals - there’s no sex involved in our relationships, so then shouldn’t gay be okay? Shouldn’t it be okay anyway?

Of course, some of these no-no’s are things that (I would hope) we would never do anyway, like have sex with an animal (but, hey, I’m not here to judge). Then there are, of course, the obvious ones, like don’t steal or lie or sleep with a family member, but let’s touch on some of the more interesting and thought provoking ones for a moment.

(These were found at Banned By The Bible and 25 Normal Things The Bible Forbids But We Still Do)

Drinking Alcohol In Holy Places

Leviticus 10:9 - “You and your sons are not to drink wine or other fermented drink whenever you go into the tent of meeting, or you will die. This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come.”

Now, I have taken part in Communion at church, and while the specific church I’m talking about is very good at offering grape juice and gluten free bread for those who would prefer, they do offer wine as well and I have stood at church on more than one occasion, drank wine, and not died. It specifically states this is a “lasting ordinance for generations to come”. So, if God doesn’t change, as the pastor’s message states, then shouldn’t those of us who have ever taken part in Communion (or brought a flask to a funeral, or had champagne at a wedding taking place inside a church, etc.) be dead? Didn’t Jesus drink wine at his last supper, which could easily be defined as having taken place in a “tent of meeting”. Is that actually why he died, because he drank wine?!

Mistreating Foreigners

Leviticus 19:33-34 - “‘When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. 34 The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt.’”

Hmm...hmmm!! Now, I won’t speak for this specific church on this one because I do not recall them ever expressing an opinion on political issues like immigration (which doesn’t mean they never have, I just don’t remember hearing it), but I will say the majority of people against gay marriage are conservative. The majority of conservatives don’t exactly welcome immigrants into the US of A with open arms. But, see, the funny thing is, if you live in America, then, guess what? At some point in the not-so-distant past, your family immigrated here from another country. Mind boggling.

Women Speaking In Church

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 - “Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”

What the hell is this 1950’s sexist bullshit?! I mean, come on! I, a woman, have spoken in church, during services and at other times, to friends, to God, even in front of large groups of people. I have also sat at sermons in this church where women - usually the pastors’ wives - stand on the pulpit and preach. Or where female missionaries come and tell us about the (amazing) work they’re doing overseas. So, if you don’t think I should be allowed to get gay married, then you can’t allow your wife or daughter to speak in church. Wait - what’s that? The times are different now? Women are revered as human beings in some parts of the world? In some households in our very own neighborhood? But, yeah, no, things don’t change.

Playing American Football

Leviticus 11:7-8 -“And the pig, though it has a divided hoof, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. 8 You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.”

Okay. The pastor spoke about the Broncos from the pulpit often. He’d even make fun of my Patriots often. We had Bronco players attending that church. There would be a significant drop in attendance on Sunday mornings when the Broncos had games at the same time. I have played football IN THE CHURCH PARKING LOT. THE CHURCH ITSELF HAS A FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE. What are American footballs made of again…?

Working On Saturday

Exodus 31:14-1515 - “‘Observe the Sabbath, because it is holy to you. Anyone who desecrates it is to be put to death; those who do any work on that day must be cut off from their people. 15 For six days work is to be done, but the seventh day is a day of sabbath rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day is to be put to death.”

This church - and many others - hold services on Saturdays.

And, for the grand finale, my final BOOYA point that makes me want to dance around in my underwear:

Getting Remarried After Getting Divorced

Look, it happens. I can’t speak from experience, as I have never been married, divorced, or remarried, but I do know and understand there are certain circumstances in which a divorce is necessary. Isn’t an individual’s happiness more important and valuable than staying with someone who makes them miserable just because the Bible tells them to? Isn’t true love the whole point of why we’re here? Don’t we all make mistakes? Haven’t we all fallen in and out of love before? Isn’t getting a second, third, fourth chance at finding the right person the whole point of what keeps us going?

If I recall correctly (and I do because I just looked it up), Deuteronomy 24:5 says this: “‘If a man and a woman have been married less than one year, he must not be sent off to war or sent away to do forced labor. He must be allowed to stay home for a year and be happy with his wife.’” So...do they or don’t they want us to be happy?! Anyway, sorry. Back to my original point of getting remarried after getting divorced:

Mark 10:10-12 - “When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.’”

Okay, that’s pretty clear, but, let’s just jump back a couple verses, shall we?

Mark 10:2-5 - “Some Pharisees came and tested [Jesus] by asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ 3 ‘What did Moses command you?’ he replied. 4 They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ 5 ‘It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,’ Jesus replied.”

Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute here. WAIT. A. MINUTE. If...if Jesus is saying, right here, that Moses said divorce was okay because everyone’s hearts were hard back then, does that mean Moses also said, that gay marriage was not okay because people’s hearts were hard back then?

I will pause and allow you to take a moment to let that sink in.

Like, I get it, okay. As the leader of a very large, very well known, very successful Christian church, there is of course an obligation to follow the word of the Bible. In fact, one of my favorite things about the sermons at this church was how the pastor would always talk about something relevant to everyday life, and back up what he was teaching with what the Bible says. Exactly what a pastor is supposed to do. And I don’t mean to call out any one person or any one church because I know this opinion is shared amongst many, and, like I said, I do have a lot of respect for this church and for the man who posted this statement. But, like, the thing is, calling out one subject so publicly that you have to post a message about it on your website, all the while ignoring the fact that you’ll be working on Saturday and are probably going home to eat a cheeseburger (Leviticus 3:17), trim your beard (Leviticus 19:27), then watch the latest SportsCenter update on which NFL player has been arrested this week for beating his wife, makes your statement null and void.